I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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