I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
