Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
