I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
