remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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