Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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