Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
