my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he told me I talked like a deaf person
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
being pregnant is like rehab
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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