so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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