I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
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