i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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