So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
