I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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