At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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