; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
