I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
