His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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