I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Randomize
