Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
