I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
