I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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