I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
