The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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