I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
