Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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