When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
