Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
