I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
