a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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