Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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