fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
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