sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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