tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
