my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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