We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
