gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
