Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You ate ashes out of my bong
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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