I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
