You work out of a Hotel?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
