Im at strip club and am horny
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
