I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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