i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
