her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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