are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
As shirtless as possible
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
