You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
