dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
