If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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