i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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