Pappa wants mamma naked
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
