I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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