Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
