I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
