what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
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