they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
