I've blown a few things in my day
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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