Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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